verb for·give \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\
: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)
: to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)
I’m starting to shudder every time someone throws out the word forgiveness ……
“Just forgive — That’s all. Once you forgive all will be well — Then you can just get over this. It’s over — it isn’t happening anymore — just get over it and move on” …..
Forgive me for saying so, but the word forgive is thrown around so callously and so frequently I’m starting to view it as a sentence enhancer instead of an act ….
A quick fix response instead of addressing an actual issue. A Botox injection for an action best not thought about. It gives you a temporary and false sense of security, but eventually the appeal and the synthetic imagery fades leaving you with the same bold truth once you find the courage to really look in the mirror …..
I don’t know that I know what forgiveness actually is or isn’t — and I’m quickly able to admit that fact. Forgiveness is sort of an abstract idea, isn’t it?
Forgiveness is a verb. So it shows action. The action of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is defined primarily as a way to stop feeling angry towards someone who has wronged you. Yet, many associate the act of forgiveness with the idea that ultimately God will be the one to forgive or not ….. I could be wrong (probably am) but don’t you have to ask God to be forgiven?
Do you really think the sociopaths that are committing these crimes against children are going to be asking for that? Or caring if their victims “forgive” them? If anything they are enjoying the fact that they can continue to manipulate you to the point in which you feel you can or should offer them forgiveness. Something they don’t care about. It’s meaningless to them. My father and all of the men he made me perform for could care less whether I would forgive them, much less whether there was even a God Who would forgive them ….
They don’t think they have done anything wrong. How can you ask for forgiveness if you think you have nothing to be forgiven for and doesn’t that dispute the entire thought process behind asking God for forgiveness?
Anger is a verb as well …..
Anger at times can be harmful. Anger is raw and authentic and confusing. Anger is real and justified. What do we do with all of this anger? It causes great conflict and turmoil and often times it is because a person is struggling with something internally and they don’t know how to express it or channel it, nor have anyone empathic or sensitive enough to share it with.
They are told to forgive. Let go of that anger. To move on. To get over it because anger is sin …..
How does that honor the fact that a specific person probably has every right to feel angry? How is that validating what the person experienced? How does it help the person with those intense emotions work through them so that they can hopefully better understand what happened and try to come to terms with it?
I’m not angry so much with my abusers anymore. I’m not angry about my past. I’m not angry about my experiences or the fact that it didn’t have to happen. I’m not even angry with all of the adults that ultimately let me down through their own fear, shame or bias …..
I’m enraged towards the apathy that continues to accompany childhood sexual abuse and the aftermath of flashbacks and very real emotions associated with PTSD …..
I loathe the lack of understanding with what causes it, and the indifference as to how to stop it, and the disgust behind not being willing to discuss it, and the false hope that blind forgiveness can bring …..
And I am angry with the religious people who have no inkling of this kind of trauma or the aftermath that carries into years later, yet stand in their pious positions of authority and make snap judgements on someone’s salvation based on their ability or inability to forgive …..
I know all the platitudes about forgiveness and I’ve heard all the slogans and these make me very angry …..
Until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes: been raped, sodomized and passed between 4 men under a Christmas tree while your father shoves crumpled sweaty bills into his pockets, or believe me there are worse unmentionables, stop telling me to be grateful I’m alive and get it over it!! Stop telling me how important it is to forgive!!!! I have a right to my enotions and until God heals me — YOU aren’t my judge or my redeemer ……
You want to help ??? If you can’t stand to listen then pray …..